CAUTION! This entry contains frequent coarse language.
Mick Harper was a Registered Nurse with 22 years experience. His record was spotless. He was very good at his job. For the past 2 years, however, Mick wasn’t feeling right mentally. His moods were swinging so he began to drink heavily to quell these swings. His work remained unaffected.
Mick made an appointment with 3 Psychiatrists. All 3 Psychiatrists diagnosed Mick with what he had in a discussion with the Director Of Nursing (D.O.N. hereafter) on the matter he couldn’t voice as nurses in the state aren’t allowed to diagnose. Bipolar Affective Disorder. They all prescribed medication. Mick took the prescription sheets home & made another appointment with the Psychiatrist who prescribed the least medication. He began taking her medication & stopped drinking. He returned to the Psychiatrist & said that he should retire.. She wholeheartedly agreed & said she would post an appropriate letter out.
Mick rang the D.O.N & told her his diagnosis. “We both knew that, didn’t we Mick?” Mick replied, “Yes. Yes we did.” He told her of his decision to resign & that he would have the relevant documentation to her in a few days.
When the Psychiatrists report arrived, Mick photocopied it along with a letter of resignation. He rang the D.O.N. who said that he could drop the papers off any time that day. Mick took them to her that afternoon & was asked to wait. The D.O.N. took him to a seminar room which was filled with his former colleagues. He was a round of applause while streamers flew everywhere. Mick was asked to give a speech during which he broke down several times. His medications hadn’t started working yet. Nobody had seen him cry in 22 years through thick & thin. He left a pile of his old music business cards on the table. The nurses scrambled to grab one. “You lot better be sure to bloody ring,” joked Mick.
Mick left the building in tears. What can I do? How will these pills affect me? Mick was lost until someone suggested he resume his online recording career. It would be several weeks before he did so as the medications began to work. He took to the recording scene easily.
6 months later he received a letter from the Nursing Board requesting a meeting saying that they wanted a meeting with them in their offices regarding the timing of his resignation. ‘I’m not driving to the other end of the fucking state and why 6 months later?’ Mick got his Psychiatrist to write a letter prohibiting him from driving such a distance.
A month later he received a letter from them demanding that he attend a meeting at the local hospital in a week. ‘This should be fun,’ thought Mick. He spent the following week scouring their precious guidelines & he didn’t have a case to answer.
He turned up at the D.O.N.s door. She greeted him warmly & took him to a boardroom. As he entered the boardroom he felt the D.O.N. pat him on the back. He casually entered the boardroom wearing jeans, sandshoes, a Bob Dylan t-shirt and prescription sunglasses. Without looking up he took a seat at a ridiculously over-sized table. He sat down a Mars bar to his left & a packet of cigarettes to his right. He then produced from his pocket a small tubular ashtray and a small cigarette holder.
Mick then put his elbows on the bench, looked across at all 5 women, reeking of cheap perfume & said, “Okay. What the fuck am I doing here?” The board members looked aghast & looked at each other before one of them said, “Firstly, Mr. Harper, I find your language inappropriately & secondly would you kindly remove your sunglasses?” Mick replied, “My normal glasses are being repaired so I’m afraid these prescriptions stay, secondly I’m here of my own free volition so shall speak as I please & thirdly, your ”Mr. Harper doesn’t exist. He retired 6 months ago so I’d prefer to be called Mick. Everybody else does. I don’t see what makes you any different.”
The board were flustered. One of them said, “Mr. Harper……” At this Mick said, “Fuck this. I’m gone.” He collected his bits & pieces & made his way to the door. He could hear then one of the board members said, “Mick.” Mick turned around & said, “What polite person complied with my humble & simple request?”” One member raised their hand. “Thank you,” said Mick who returned to his seat with his bits & pieces.
“Excuse me, Mick. Why do you have a Mars bar with you?” Mick replied, “That’s easy. Your guidelines said that I could bring a support person who can’t talk & I can’t confer with. I was almost bring a puppet but I thought a Mars bar might come in handy.”
Another board member stated that Micks resignation didn’t fall outside of your stress leave. Mick opened fire “That’s the problem of the D.O.N…..not me. I’ve got a psychiatric condition for fucks sake & you’re sitting there like the puffed up nobodys that you are trying to scare me. Sorry ladies. I’m not scared of you. Never have been. I’ve read few of your fucking expensive flyers with parts in bold print. That’s attempted intimidation. It’s also a sign of insecurity. An Psychologist can tell you that. Any Psychologists in the room?” Mick looked at them all as they all sat uncomfortably. “Didn’t fucking think so,” said Mick.
Mick hadn’t finished. “So you’ve dragged me her for fuck-all, yeah? I bet your using taxpayers money are staying at a flashy hotel & will have an upmarket meal, again, at the taxpayers expense.” Mick then took a cigarette from its pack, put it into his short holder & lit it. 3 board members yelled, “You can’t smoke in here!” Mick leaned back and slowly exhaled. “Well fucking arrest me. I’ve seen the specs for this hospital. That tiny smoke detector would take the towering inferno to start.” He paused before continuing, “If you examine the sign it reads You ‘May’ Not Smoke In The Building. ‘May’ being the operative word. My lawyer would have a fucking field day with it.”
The board moved uneasily. They knew that Mick had them. He was asked to move the room while they discussed the matter. Mick leaned forward & blew smoke over all 5 members. One of them then asked if he would mind leaving the room while they discussed the matter. Mick replied, “I don’t like people talking about me behind my back. It’s fucking rude. You’re either going to fine me or not. That fucking simple. Fine me & I’ll tear you to bits in court because even you know you’re in the wrong. This is fucking harassment.” One of the board members said, “We really would prefer that you left the room.” Mick replied, “If I walk out that fucking door, the next time you’ll see me is in court with a team of vicious lawyers.”
Mick calmly opened his Mars bar as the board members passed noted between themselves. After 10 minutes a member said, “We’ll write to you with our decision.” Mick had finished his Mars bar & lit another cigarette. “No you won’t,” Mick said. “You’ll give me the obvious conclusion now.” The board members passed more notes amongst themselves. One board member stood up & said, “We have decided to take no further action.” Mick sarcastically said, “Yay!” He continued, “See it wasn’t bad, now, was it? You fuckers had no case to start with….& you knew it. You were hoping I was some fucker who scares easy. You’ve just passed the day for yourselves and will no doubt enjoy the rest of it. I’m gone.”
That night Mick took his children out to tea. He treated them to a nice restaurant. They sat down and shortly afterwards the board-members sat at a pre-booked table quite close to where Mick & his children were. Mick kept his language clean but he made countless derogatory remarks about the bard, who looked increasingly uncomfortable. Mick knew 3 of the waiters. He had a word with them. “I’ll explain later.” Drinks were spilled & watered down, drinks were confused, ‘accidental’ elbows to the head were aplenty. Meals were confused & under-cooked.
Mick continued with his remarks whilst grinning menacingly at them, just adding to an already miserable evening. When Mick & his children left he gave the car keys to his son & hung back. He got to their table & loudly said, “I hope you enjoyed your meals. Meals provided by the taxpayer for a meeting that tried to frame an INNOCENT FUCKING MAN!!!
He continued, “Oh, I do hope you enjoy your trip back to the other end of the state at the taxpayers expense and that your taxpayer funded hotel is to your liking!” He leaned over to address all of the table. “I’d hate your car to be tampered with & I hope nothing goes wrong in your hotel rooms. You’re all cunts & should be ashamed of yourselves.” All of the board members faces were bright red. They didn’t stay long in the restaurant and went back to the hotel room, all of them wondering what Mick meant by referring to the car & hotel.
He meant nothing by it. He just wanted them to experience the fear that they had instilled in so many innocent nurses over the years.