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WARNING: Contains coarse language


Ben Gustav 52 years old & was out for a quiet tea with his children Mason & Maree who were 19 & 17 years old respectively.

They were enjoying their meals when 2 scruffy youths walked up to Maree & began talking to her, paying no attention to Ben or Mason. Ben thought he”d do the right thing and introduce himself. He stood up, leaned across the table and held his hand out to the lanky ginger haired youth. “I’m Ben. I’m Marees Dad,” he said. The ginger haired youth looked around and said, “Who gives a fuck? Ben took a fork, grabbed his hand, placed it on the table and plunged the fork into the back of his hand. “I give a fuck,” said Ben. “Respect your fucking elder!”

As the ginger haired youth yelled the lounge looked briefly around. Ben noticed his black haired, shorter & stockier friend reach into his pocket. “Don’t bother, son. I’ve been around the blocks more times than you as he twisted the fork before removing it. The pair turned & left with the ginger haired youth whimpering, “We’ll see you outside.” Ben calmly replied, “See you there girls.”

Sitting at a nearby table was a friend called Adam Davidson. Ben went over and asked if he would come out when he, Mason & Maree left to act as a witness. “No problem Ben. Just give me the nod.” Ben told Maree to wait until Adam came back.

When it was time to leave Ben gave Adam the nod. He followed behind them. When they  arrived outside the 2 youths  was standing waiting. They looked casual but had knuckle dusters on. Ben said to Mason, “You take the short one, I’ll take this clown.” No sooner had Ben said the word “clown” than he shot the fingers of his right hand straight around the ginger haired youths larynx. By  reflex he tried to loosen Bens grip. “The harder you try, the tighter I fucking squeeze. Then you go blue in the face.  Then you pass out.”

By this stage Mason had ripped a combination of punches into his opponent rendering him unconscious on the ground.

Ben, whilst still maintaining a tight grip on his larynx, then told his opponent to get on his knees. Once on his knees, Ben kicked him hard in the groin, laying him curled on his side. “Don’t get up, cunt!” he said. His opponent made the stupid mistake twice. Both times Ben Kicked him hard in the  ribs. He  could hear & feel ribs breaking with each kick.

Unbeknownst to Ben & Mason Adam had called the police. The other  2 were speechless so Ben did the talking saying that they were waiting for them randomly with knuckle dusters. One of the officers went to their vehicle & returned a short time later. It turned out that the 2 opponents had several outstanding warrants for assault.

3 months later Ben received a knock on the door. It was the Police. Ben & Mason had been charged by their opponents for assault. Ben laughed, as did the Police who were almost apologetic.

Ben opted to represent himself & Mason. When the Prosecution mentioned the fork in the hand, Ben asked to see it. By this time the wound had healed. Ben then asked if there were any witnesses to  this allegation. The Prosecution became flustered. Ben interrupted him as he rifled through his papers. “Didn’t think so,” said Ben. “It didn’t happen.” The Judge shook her head.

Ben was then asked why he took such extreme measures. Ben replied, “He had knuckledusters. I  had nothing. My son was the same, Your Honour. They could have gone after my daughter next for all I knew.” The Judge nodded at Ben. The Prosecution had nothing further to add.

The  Judge, in her conclusion, stated that Ben & Mason “….took reasonable measures against dangerous armed men & had that incident not occurred, they would still be roaming the streets. The fact that they have the audacity to press charges against a family out for a meal I find appalling.”

I sentence you to another 12 months imprisonment.