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a-living-alone

What defines a relationship? It’s a pretty standard question but to me the answer is  an unorthodox one. I was divorced 15 years ago and have lived on my own for the majority of the time ever since. I am almost 50 years old at time of writing. I’m a retired Registered Nurse, recovering alcoholic who has not had a drink for many years, I have two teenage children, I am an author, a poet, recording artist and played in a rock band for several years. I could blog each of these facets. Let’s just say  I’ve lived a bit.

Occasionally I get asked, usually by women, if I have a partner. When I say “No,” they seem surprised. “How can you not have a partner?” they say. “Quite easily,” I reply.  They think I’m joking but I’m deadly serious.

Firstly my main activities are recording music and writing. Hardly conducive to conversation or any other interaction for that matter. These activities also allow me to come and go as I please. I can be sitting writing then suddenly decide to go do my shopping. You can’t do this in a relationship.

This  brings me to my next point and it’s a point that I have a ‘thing‘ about. I would have to adjust my day to my partners day. The aforementioned grocery shopping would be a nightmare. It would take twice as long and we would be buying certain things that I don’t like. Do I pretend to like it or not? It’s a decision that I  don’t have to make. Other shopping would be a task and a half. I am in no way a sexist but women are known to take ages shopping….often arriving empty-handed.

Conversation would soon dry up. It already does. I have an eclectic and abstract mindset. I also have an IQ of 142. Many’s the time I’ve found my eyes glazing over and my mind drifting elsewhere whilst my current company are gossiping about the man who lives across  the road.

I am sometimes asked if I get lonely. I have never felt lonely but I have felt alone. There is a big difference between the words. ‘Lonely’  evokes thoughts of sadness….well….to my mind it does. ‘Alone,’ on the other hand evokes solitude/peace. I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night & go out to the veranda for a cigarette. On really still nights I feel ‘alone.’ There’s not a sound. It’s just me and the stars. Were I to feel lonely I’d do something about it….most likely go to a place where there are people and conversation. Luckily I don’t feel this way when I feel alone. Alone is fine.

I see and hear of so many dysfunctional, unhappy relationships it baffles me. “Get out of it, then,” I’ll say if it’s a female. They’ll respond with a meek, “….but I love him.” This annoys me and I can’t help myself. I despise domestic violence. There is no place for it. I don’t generally interfere with other peoples lives but when it comes to domestic violence, I will. “You love wearing extra makeup to hide the bruises? You like walking with a limp? Get out and get onto the phone.” These women inevitably go back. How can you call that a relationship?

Then there are the men who are having affairs. Their wives know but come out with the old, “….but I love him.” How can I help people with this mentality? How can we call this a relationship?

No, I’m quite content being single….even if my only company is my imagination and the stars.

Life, to me, seems too complicated for a relationship anyway. Maybe I’ll change my mind one day but to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t know how to go about it.

 

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