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This is a brief but very difficult blog to write. It should become apparent as the entry progresses.

waking

Every morning for a long time I woke up, exactly at 6am, in terror. The thing is, I don’t know what I’m in fear of. I don’t have nightmares. My  mind races with two second thoughts whizzing through my mind one after the other. The thoughts themselves aren’t frightening. It’s the speed of them.

I wonder what I have to do for the day. Will I get it done? What might go wrong?

Between my GP and Psychiatrist, over a couple of months, I was tried on more pills than The Rolling Stones. All of them did nothing. Not even a side-effect.

I scoured the net and was bombarded with yoga, green tea, deep breathing and so forth. Sorry hippies. None of them work. Either that or your symptoms are not as severe as mine or you’re being conned (or are conning yourself).

My morning anxiety vanished by a ‘glitch’ in thinking the night before. Just before falling asleep I started thinking that everything was going to be okay tomorrow. I can’t consciously remember thinking negative thoughts prior to this night. I can remember vividly laying in bed, looking at the ceiling and actually remember looking at the ceiling and ‘knowing’ that everything would  be alright tomorrow. I didn’t consciously do this. It just happened.

The following morning I awoke and looked at my clock. It was the usual  6am. It took me a good couple of minutes before I realised that I wasn’t in fear. Not only  was I not in fear, I ‘knew’ the day was going to be alright. The day turned out fine.

That night I went to bed without the previous nights feeling but woke up peacefully and optimistically the next day at 6am.

From this horrific 6 month period on, nothing like it has happened. I do have a slight, non-troublesome tremor which I put down to coffee and cigarettes as I spend moost oof my days writing.

Have you experienced such an episode?

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