Greetings dear reader. I hope this finds you and those close to you all well and in good spirits. This is a brief but very difficult entry for me to write. I’ll explain why at the end.
My mornings start at 6.15am irrespective of the time of year, be it dark or already daylight. I don’t need an alarm clock.. I bolt out of bed and switch the television to catch the news. I don’t watch the news for the remainder of the day as it’s the same thing all day. After a few minutes, this is when it starts.
When I say ‘it’ I am referring to racing thoughts. My comprehension of news stories diminish and my hands begin to shake. I go and clumsily put a cigarette in it’s holder and deeply draw my way through it. This helps but not for long. I become restless so have a shower and a shave, missing the rest of the news. I then check my emails. This can take anything from ten minutes to an hour. Being a writer and online recording artist I get a lot of spam emails. Once done with my emails I visit my parents who live nearby.
I return home and have a quick browse through Facebook. By this time it is around 9am. If I have to do anything in town I have to do it there and then, despite my anxiety, or it won’t get done that day.
I then sit down and start writing. I gradually feel my anxiety leave me but it never really entirely leaves me for the day. I take several cigarette breaks. I usually write all day, bee it blogging, poetry or my latest novel. I consider myself fortunate in that I can easily swap from genre to genre.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this entry that it is a hard one to write. It is difficult to write as the writing of it has reminded me of my anxiety, particularly my anxiety.